Build it and they will come – and they have. The good, Field_of_Dreams_posterthe bad and the ugly. They have come but they are by no means the people you want to come. So far in about 6 weeks Akismet tells me, and I have no reason to doubt them, that well over 2000 message spam messages have been sent to my blog. All the very best people of course – Burberry, Louis Vuitton, Nike etc. etc, not just once but many times. Every day I have to go through these spams and delete them – a pain, although less of a pain than when they came into my email box. Still nice of them to think of me and when you get comments as oblique as ‘you are excessively professional blogger’ well that’s worth all the heartache isn’t it?

The ‘good’ in case you’re wondering, is that I get the odd positive comment from genuine readers or if they are not they do a good job of making their comments sound genuine. But, but now a new dimension. I’ve been asked to write a couple of guest blogs, that’s good, right? Yes, mostly, for the first time in my short blogging life I feel somewhat wanted but also a bit like I’m writing under pressure, time and content wise. Also they want original material because Google likes it this way, or so they say, I would’t know. Anyway, the point is, because I’m now a professional writer I decided that it was time to replace my ageing – about 8 years old and getting like me increasingly, unpredictable – laptop. I needed something bright and shiny and reliable and speedy. So far after just a few days I have the first two but not the last two. I’ll come back to this.

I wanted to buy my laptop at my local shop, for a number of reasons, not least of which was that I had read the on-line reviews of people who had shopped at PC World. But sadly it did not work out that way. What was offered – ex-display models, unboxed, 3 month warranty and not much cheaper that I could see – did mot impress and my good intentions about a sustainable local economy bit the dust.

So PC Void it was but they weren’t going to sell me bits and bobs I didn’t want, didn’t need and they weren’t going to give me any guff about processing speed or RAM memory because I would refuse to speak to them. I had read a review about laptops, knew which one I wanted and would go in the shop and say – ‘want that one’ and point. The first woman I did this to said ‘I sell washing machines and don’t know anything about laptops’. ‘Excellent’ I said you’re exactly the person I don’t want to talk to. But the pushy laptop expert wouldn’t have it – I’ll deal with this gentleman. Worse mistake you ever made, pal. Still I said ‘I want that one’. He said, ‘we haven’t got that one’. Bugger, the best laid plans of mice and me, etc. ‘Right’, I said, pointing to the next machine (same manufacturer), a review of which I hadn’t read, ‘I’ll have that one’. He went to get it. You realise it doesn’t come with Office or anti-virus software or anything. I put my hands over my ears, jumped up and down and said, can’t hear you, can’t hear you. And so doing I left the shop with my purchase. How clever was I? Not very as it turned out.

From the first moment I turned it on and looked at the screen I realised I was in trouble. I recognised nothing, absolutely nothing, no icons, no programmes, it didn’t even say it was Windows 8. The trial version of Microsoft Office, which took me to places I knew still less, didn’t work. So my cunning plan to use the free version for  a month until I could find my old copy didn’t work, nor did my plan for free anti-virus protection. Within a few minutes I had messages from some anti-virus company telling me my laptop, only a few hours old remember was infected with 10,ooo terrible viruses and I should pay money to this, purportedly free, company to save my new computer from death by a thousand viruses. I refuse.

Hold the front page. My IT guy tells me now that this machine with Windows 8 doesn’t need anti-virus software because it comes with it. Hmm, we shall see. I have found my old copy of Office on CD Rom. This machine refuses to load it. Not good enough for you I suppose. It spends its life with screen messages like – don’t bother me, I’m taking a nap. Last night I went to bed with the new addition saying – don’t turn me off, I’m doing something very important. I went to bed and left it. My old laptop snoozed happily on my desk. I’m sorry I ever doubted you, old friend, this is what happens when you retire, you begin to doubt yourself and all that you once held dear. Old friends become not good enough. Furthermore, it looks like I’m going to have to bring in a new Office at £120. Retirement! As my grandma used to say, it’s a grand life if you don’t weaken. And this is where this blog was to have ended but it got worse. I bought Office on line and it didn’t work, I won’t bore you with the details, despite saying it had downloaded it simply wasn’t there. Then I made an even bigger mistake, I went to Microsoft for help. This is the direct transcript of the ‘conversation I had with them:

Hi, thanks for visiting Answer Desk. I’m Renz B.

You:  ‎10‎:‎10‎:‎27
I’ve just bought and downloaded Office it seems to download Ok but then there is no sign of it anywhere!
Renz B:  ‎10‎:‎11‎:‎03
Okay, I understand your concern, I’ll be more than happy to help you. Let’s go ahead and work together! (love the exclamation mark) figure it out why you are having this kind of issue.
You:  ‎10‎:‎11‎:‎12
Good
Renz B:  ‎10‎:‎11‎:‎23
Peter, may I have your phone number if incase we get disconnected?
You:  ‎10‎:‎11‎:‎55
07———7
Renz B:  ‎10‎:‎12‎:‎47
Okay, Let me look for an Expert  (my added colour – I had thought that was who I was talking to but apparently there is an even bigger expert in the Office office) ) for your Office issue. Do allow me 1-2 minutes for that. Thanks!
Please click on the link above. It will open the AnswerDesk Online website.
Please take 2-3 minutes to skim through that website, and add it to your favorites.
Please click on the Services drop down list, and select Office.
You should then see online Office technicians. Simply provide this case number 1241023825 to the Office technician.
That case number contains the documentation of your issue.
Do you have any further questions Peter ?
I’m sorry, but I have not received a response from you in the last 2 minutes (it took that long for me to try and hang myself) . If you are busy or occupied, we can continue this conversation when you have more time. I will disconnect from the current session if I do not hear from you in the next minute.
You:  ‎10‎:‎20‎:‎07
I’m disappointed that I have to go somewhere else!
Renz B:  ‎10‎:‎20‎:‎56
Choose the “office” on the drop down select peter..

Your Answer Tech has ended your chat session. Thanks for visiting Answer Desk.

So I clicked on the link and who should pop up but good old Renz, the guy who had told me he was directing me to an Expert and all the time it was him. And when I clicked on his icon, he did not respond!!!!!!!!! As my grandma used to say ..

One of the dogs has done a poo on the floor, I’ve got a headache and I wish I had never got out of bed.

1 Comment

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  1. Emma Pauw 4 years ago

    Hi there,
    We love your blog and we have an exciting project relating to it that we would love you to be part of! Could you please email hello@wetalksocial.co.uk so we could discuss?
    Look forward to hearing back from you.
    Emma.

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