I’ve sometimes accused myself, in these retirement blogs, of living my retirement vicariously. I look at what others are doing and think, if only. Perhaps never more so than looking at friends who have chosen a life overseas.
This weekend we will be hooking up with a friend who, with his wife (see above), have spent the last 7 years in China. His partner came home about a year ago but basically they’ve both lived the same life abroad and now they’re home. True he and she have not retired, but that’s largely because they chose the life abroad as opposed to retiring.
Now he’s coming home with his China job finished and ready to pick up his career in the UK. And I’m wondering what I’m going to ask him about his chosen time abroad by way of getting material for this blog. Is he now ready to retire? Was it the right decision to make 7 years ago? And at a more self-centred level, should I have done something similar those 6 years ago when Mrs Summerhouse and I made the decision to go for this thing called retirement?
One question for me will always be, did I retire too soon? Assuming the answer is no, you didn’t, and, at the age of 65, it seemed about right, then the second question is going to be, have I used my retirement time well? Maybe interrogating, sorry I mean chatting, to my chums this Sunday (last Sunday by the time you read this) will give me an idea. Not an answer per se but perhaps an idea of what a possible alternative would have been. Not that I was ever offered a job in another country when I did retire.
Had I been would I have taken it? And if I had how would I feel about life right now? Some very big questions I think you will agree and all asked because I’m meeting up with my chums at the weekend (the one just gone for you). And I know for a fact that some of you will say what a useless exercise. You made your choice 6 years ago, so stop it with the hindsight thing.
And I have, honest, it’s just that with meeting my chum at the weekend all this angst I’d buried has somewhat re-surfaced. I’ll pause for now and see what he has to say for himself.
Our friends have just left. What have I learned from my close questionning? That both of them think their being adventurous, taking a chance, making the most of their lives, has been a good thing. There’s no doubt that living in China for 7 years (him) and 4 years (her) has been hard at times but that it was worth the effort and they would do it again even knowing what they know now.
Funny thing is he is one of the people most frequently telling me to relax when I write blogs about feeling guilty for taking it easy in retirement. I’m not to feel guilty about having blobby days lying prone in front of the TV watching Homes Under the Hammer and the like. Yet this is clearly not what he is doing. He’s only been home for three days and he’s talking about his new job and how he wants more work and how he’s planning to play golf, badminton, swimming, take a water-colour class, even yoga.
The only explanation I can offer is that he draws a distinction between a working life and retirement. Is he thinking that you live life to the full as a working person but then allow yourself to vegetate when retired? Or is it possible that when he does retire he’ll be every bit as driven as I appear to be in these blogs?
All I will say is that if you have somehow lived a very full life as a working person, as I have, then it can be (I only say can be), bloody hard to switch off and relax as a retired person. And yet there are clearly many (maybe even a majority of) people who manage to do exactly this. I imagine their view is, well I’ve worked hard most of my life, for forty plus years of it at least, and now I’ve earned the right to kick back and do very little that’s taxing.
Sounds so perfectly reasonable when I write it like that. Couldn’t sound more reasonable if I ran it past a committee of the wisest people alive. And yet, and yet, here I am still after six years struggling to come to terms with my not so new life. Maybe it’s something to do with the feeling of doing good work when we had a career. I realise that being retired doesn’t necessarily mean a person can’t still do good things. Probably why so many retired folk take up charity work.
And all this because we met up with our friends from China. It’s probably just as well I don’t have many friends if they’re all going to cause me this kind of soul-searching. So they’re happy with the choices they’ve made over the last five or so years of their life, question is, given this is my blog, am I?
Goes without saying that Mrs Summerhouse is happy to live in the moment and take whatever life serves up for her, she’s that kind of gal. Myself? Slightly different human-being as you will have gathered by now. But, that said, I have to report I’m largely happy with my lot. First, in deciding to retire at the age of 65 and try and recreate a new kind of life with all its challenges, failures and successes and second, in what that has actually meant activity-wise.
Not the time in this blog to go into details about the choices we have made thus far, but yes, on the whole, I’d give our retirement lives a 7 out of 10. Mrs SH usually scores a point higher. A score I was more than happy to achieve when I was working and see no reason not to regard this as a reasonable benchmark for our retirement lives. Wishing for any higher score would just be greedy. So, to come full circle, to the title of this blog, not too much angst in the ‘what might have been’ column and largely thankful for what we have.
What a surprise to see ourselves in the blog. Very happy that you have rated retirement life so highly. Now, what would do Shazer say? What would need to happen to be an 8?
Always was a good question, still is. Interestingly I may have already moved to an 8 with our monthly stays in dog-friendly hotels, sort of helped with the travel urge which has long been a problem, not so much now. Otherwise not sure, sell the wine, play more music, hmm.
Thanks for the lovely photo….and for your interesting reflections, as always. As you know the China experience was not planned, indeed resigning from my Headteacher position was a gamble. However I knew that a change was essential if I was to continue to have fulfilling and engaging last 1/3rd… of my life span. Interestingly risk taking has become more of a habit the older I have become…you share the same qualities…and long may it continue. I want to fall over the finishing line exhausted and reflecting ..’what a journey that was’! When I do call it a day on the job front I want to get up each day with a purpose….I don’t do sitting around too well….so if you need some help on the vineyard give me call. As you know the view across the valley from your barn was a catalyst for a life changing decision, and I look forward to sharing that view with you and Mrs Summerhouse and my dearest, for many years to come. Cheers?
Risk taking is an interesting concept not one I use much but maybe I need to start thinking in those terms a bit.