Life’s journey in a collection of suitcases. Do you have a favourite suitcase? by Graham Turner
Western perspectives on success and failure are often correlated with setting clear goals and working towards achieving them. The argument goes that failure may therefore occur when goals are unclear or non-existent. Success, we are encouraged to believe, involves facing challenges, setbacks, and obstacles with resilience and determination, so don’t give up easily in the face of adversity. Success is underpinned by continuous learning, personal growth, and self-improvement, and failure occurs (we are reminded), when one is inert and resistant to change. Success is often measured by the quality of relationships that one builds with others, whereas failure may be represented by strained relationships, isolation, or harmful interactions with others. Our successes and achievements are often reinforced by the acknowledgements of others, and there is a consequent positive impact on our wellbeing. So simple, or is it? Unfortunately, life gets in the way doesn’t it, and whilst we can plan and prepare, and that will always be important, there is a lot more going on which ultimately shapes our lives. Let us explore.
‘What you are is what you have been. What you’ll be is what you do now’. Attributed – Buddha.
Dwelling on the past, or daydreaming on past events, whilst important to many, is not considered a useful activity by some religions, philosophers, and psychologists. However, looking back is what I propose to do in this blog, primarily to see if it helps us to make sense of the present, and better understand our decisions going forward. To know where you came from, what made you – you! My premise is that it is a bit of ‘Genes’ and a lot of ‘Life Experience’, opportunities made and taken or ignored. Life events shape all our lives, many of which we did/do not control, or anticipate. As we get older can looking back help us build important resilience and I suggest, contentment, ‘what you will be is what you do now’.
Looking back is easy, but what lens do you use to make sense of it?
Perhaps a metaphor would help? If we imagine we are carrying a suitcase on our journey, the contents of our lives are in this suitcase at each stage, constantly shifting and changing as we navigate our way between milestones and transitions. Consider the contents of your own suitcase. Are there things you could have added, or discarded, on that journey? What has been helpful, and what a hindrance? Did you check the contents before ‘customs’ asked you?
Taking broad sweeps of time let’s investigate the suitcase, how did your stages unfold, are these phases/stages helpful? Suggested stage and contents follow. What would you add or delete? What would be written in bold? Which stage might be more important than others and why?
1. Childhood (Ages 0-12)
– Suitcase Contents:
Toys, favourite books, school supplies, stuffed animals, photos and images of family, not always positive, a diary, and maybe a special memento. Health issues. Affluence or poverty? School, positive or not so good? Transitions with friends? Relationships with parents, home-life. Community. Successes and regrets? Love and conflict.
2. Adolescence (Ages 13-19)
– Suitcase Contents:
School books, sports equipment, music, concerts attended, journals, photos with friends, first crush. Lost friends, new friends, travel, new vistas and new challenges. Puberty and adolescence, changes in physical, emotional, and social aspects of life. Transition into adulthood. Leaving Home. Living independently. Exploring career pathways, pursuing higher education, or entering the workforce. Successes and regrets? First jobs. Emotional rollercoaster? Love and conflict.
3.Young Adulthood (Ages 20-35)
– Suitcase Contents:
Professional attire, computer, laptop, iPad device, passport, travel guides, hobbies and interests, party invitations, a journal, a list of career goals, marriage, divorce, your children, new jobs, new skills, new challenges and obstacles. Health? Pets and attachments? Mortgage and finance. New independence, new responsibilities. Buying property. New fears. More anxiety? Becoming a parent. New career roles, transitioning between jobs. Grieving. Friends.Status.
4. Middle Adulthood (Ages 36-60)
– Suitcase Contents:
Work-related documents, family photos, parenting books, prescription meds, new hobbies old hobbies, relationships, financial documents, vacation brochures, self-help book. Child rearing, moving home, keeping a life for yourself? Consolidating careers, Restarting careers and relationships? Travel. Working abroad. Moving across the country. Health issues. Helping offspring in many ways – emotional and financial. Marriage and divorce. Grieving. Friends. Acclaim and status.
5. Late Adulthood (Ages 61 and beyond….?)
– Suitcase Contents:
Retirement plans, medical records, grandchildren’s drawings, photos, hobby supplies, gardening tools, travel souvenirs, a diary of memories, favourite recipes. Pets? New hobbies and interests. Managing health conditions and adapting to any physical limitations. Moving away from daily interactions with colleagues, new social circles and finding meaningful ways to stay engaged with others, Refining the Will, setting up advanced directives, and making decisions about long-term care? Mental health and wellbeing? New priorities life changes. Friends.
I suggest that we could all strip our suitcases back to 2-3 key items of contents, much is generic, however the ones that really shaped your direction of travel, that made you – you, are for you to wrestle with. I would also suggest that at least one of these was out of your control, a welcome event or not! Does that matter, did you cope, learn and move on? With age comes wisdom (allegedly), are you any wiser?
I suggest that we all want to be in ‘good place as we near the end of our journey, certainly mentally, and hopefully physically. Take the rich experience you have reflected upon and use it as your shield and your scaffold, don’t beat yourself up, be reflective and mindful, and get to the ‘good place’ with your last piece of luggage? If life was so predictable it wouldn’t be half as much fun, would it?