The ‘inspiration’ for this retirement blog came from me reading a book review in Saturday’s Guardian newspaper (as above). I wrote about my love of books a few blogs ago which explains why this is one of the few bits of the paper I read with some interest. This particular book was entitled ‘This Life, How mortality makes us free’ by Martin Haggland who, the review tells me, is a Swedish philosopher. I didn’t know that. Never mind. I don’t even think I will buy the book.
But this is not the point. The point appears in one section of the review. It starts with a question about whether heaven will be boring. Then goes on: “If I believed that my life would last forever” he (Haggland) writes, I could never take my life to be at stake.” The question of how to use our precious time wouldn’t arise because time wouldn’t be precious. Faced with any decision about whether to do something potentially meaningful with any given hour or day – to nurture a relationship, create a work of art, savour a natural scene – the answer would always be: who cares? After all there’s always tomorrow, and the next day, and the next .”
What do I, in my retirement, take from this review written by Oliver Burkeman? Well I think what I take from it is that I should be glad that I am mortal and, rather than worrying about when I’m going to die, I should just be grateful that I am going to die. Because that means I have limited time left. Having limited time (quite limited indeed as I head for 72) gives a meaning to the choices I make. Which, at a stretch, means my retirement life has meaning.
As I write this I am of course wondering whether I’m convincing myself that it’s good to be old with limited life span in front of me. Or would I, in truth, actually like a form of eternal life that meant nothing really mattered much. My mother, an eternal pessimist, used to say to us on every weekly, or more, visit, they say people are living longer, well God help them. She said this with great enthusiasm, quite cheered her up. She lived to 94 and never stopped complaining about it. Mind you that didn’t stop her insisting that I sign the ‘resuscitate’ form when she was in hospital having an operation – twice.
So thus far I can just about accept that making choices that have meaning, that matter, is a good thing. This only leaves the question, and it’s a million dollar question, how do you decide what’s meaningful? Haggland / Burkeman, above, gloss over this a little. ‘Nurture relationship, create work of art or savour natural scene’. Easy, so, how you doing, dear / have idea for blog / that’s a nice view, next. Fair enough, but I reckon I could do all three of these in any given ten minute period of my life what about the other 23 hours and 50 minutes of any given day? What the bloody hell am I going to do with that?
Now I know that I’ve written about this before in these blogs, but that was some time ago. Have things changed as I move bumpily through my retirement? What I wrote then, if my memory serves, is that what’s meaningful depends on your values. Hence identify your key values and hey presto, your meaningful, day to day actions just tumble out.
OK, but how to reliably identify your retirement values? I remember, as a psychologist, making this recommendation, about values, to people in schools, even parents on occasions, even to the Senior Management of a school so they could identify what kind of school they were aiming to be. From this would come their code of behaviour for all members of the community – staff, students, parents. In other words what is desirable / meaningful in term of day to day behaviours.
The activity I recommended, at that time, was for them to close their eyes and visualise the ideal teacher / mother / school etc. What do you see? What are people doing / saying? It’s a version of imagine your perfect day. Again what are you doing / saying / thinking / what are others doing? And so on. I’m only referencing the exercise here not giving it the full Monty.
That’s the easy bit, the hard part starts when you start to identify from these ‘behaviours’ (that’s psychology speak) the underpinning values. Maybe something like – kindness, newness, companionship, learning, challenges, relaxation, etc. etc. The theory goes that these values are important to you and that when deciding what’s a meaningful use of your time (remember that bit from above), is your choice/s in line with the identified values?
So then, all good, this must surely be the way to a retirement life that’s satisfying and full of meaning and all that sort of stuff. It all sounds pretty straightforward. Question is, is it enough to convince myself, and maybe you, that celebrating the fact that your time on this earth is limited, is the best way to live what’s left of your life?
Remember in case you’re confused, as I am, that this is so because it means that how you spend that time is the right way. No more worrying about whether you’re making the right choices. Repeat after me, my time is limited, this releases me from agonising about making the right choices.
I have admitted in a recent blog that I was in danger of becoming a bit miserable in my old age. Consequently I determined that this blog should be a bit more up-beat, erring on the optimistic side. I’m not sure I’ve achieved this given the focus here has been on the message, I’m glad I’m not going to live for ever (which sounds more positive than, I’m glad I’m going to die soon) because this gives more meaning to what I choose to do as opposed to therefore nothing really matters much.
Ultimately, of course, you pays your money and takes your choice – I’ll be dead soon, so it doesn’t matter what I do so relax and enjoy what time you have left or, take your retirement life choices seriously because they are important and meaningful. As always, you decide.