A week ago (from when this retirement blog is posted) the on-going question of the mystery vaccine was resolved. Or was it? We had our first vaccine jab. So one more to go or is it two more or is it in fact no more? Or one more for every year we have left? Hard to get a straight answer even from the experts let alone the politicians.
But we got the jab, that’s all that matters, right? Well, no actually because now there’s the question of did we get the best one. A few weeks ago you were glad to get anything even the placebo might make you feel you were getting something even it didn’t really help. At least you hadn’t been forgotten as a 70 plus year old with possible additional needs. That’s the diabetes which I wouldn’t have thought a problem but the data says it is and the data does not lie. Or does it?
You know what they say don’t you? Lies, damned lies and statistics. But now we have another addition to that well-known axiom (is that the right word?), statistics as presented (i.e. interpreted) by politicians. Data can be interpreted to suit the interpreter, mainly politicians but also some research bodies with an eye on their continued funding.
So there was some debate probably started by our friends in the EU or Russia as to whether the Oxford vaccine actually worked. Or is that, does it work for our age group? And does it stop you dying but you still get ill? Or does it actually make you ill (as with one friend)? Does it keep you out of hospital which as we know are dangerous places? Confusing.
So on meeting friends and neighbours (virtually of course in the first instance and across the street in the second) the conversation inevitably goes as follows – have you had your jab yet? Where did you go for it? Which one did you get? Did it make you ill? What did we do for a topic of conversation before the pandemic came along?
Much to our surprise we got the Pfizer one. We’d been expecting the Oxford one which was the one everybody else was getting it seemed. The nice lady who gave us the jab explained that they never knew which vaccine they were getting until a few days beforehand. Quelle surprise. Perhaps they were asked the question, have you got a really nice fridge to store it in? You have? Right you can have the expensive one then.
So we weren’t patriotic but at least we got the most expensive one. According to our son-in-law who knows about these things, ‘our’ vaccine costs £70 a shot and is, amongst other issues, more difficult to store (on account of the low temperature required, hence the fridge question) whereas the Oxford one, which probably doesn’t work anyway, costs £4 and is much easier to work with. 4 quid, no wonder it doesn’t work (allegedly).
The politicians are very happy with the numbers who have been offered the vaccine which is slightly different from those who have actually had it. We have good news – we all have life rafts – hurray. And bad news – they leak – boo.
But just when we were getting anxious about the efficacy of the Oxford jab, i.e. does it leak, up pops Boris to reassure us. Boris, otherwise known as the ‘biggest liar in Christendom’ tells us he is ‘very confident’ (of the Oxford vaccine). Well, f— me that’s alright then. If Boris says we’re alright then we’re surely doomed. Is that a light at the end of the lockdown tunnel, erm no, it’s Boris playing with the torch he got for Christmas. Yes, it’s great Boris that it can shine different colours but maybe there are more important things to discuss. Just saying.
Somebody obviously says, they (the public / us), are getting a bit antsy, we need somebody they trust and who is reliable and knows what he or she is talking about to reassure them. What’s that? Nobody fits that description. We’ve only got Boris, the rest of them are all booking their summer hols. True it’s a bit like asking Bill Gates to promote the benefits of steam trains but if he (Boris) is all we got then shove him on.
At least we have the experts to rely on. Professor Jonathon Van Tam, our Chief Medical Officer, for example. Here’s a man who can be relied on to give us the truth. He is quoted as saying, the South African strain, which is the one we in the UK are most worried about, whereas in OZ they’re worried about the Kent (no I said Kent) variation, ‘is unlikely to become the dominant strain in the near future’, he says.
Being a man who is careful to give the truth he inevitably does not specify what ‘near future’ actually means – next 10 years maybe? And, ‘unlikely’, hmm, could you be a bit clearer? Bloody hell, I’d rather have Boris, at least he’s confident even if he is a few facts short of the real world. Only kidding.
Of course what everybody wants to know is, when are the pubs going to be open? In the absence of any definitive answer from the government, the papers have come up with their own answer – March 8th. I very much need the pubs to open so I can reduce my drinking. For some reason I’m drinking more during this lockdown period that I typically did when the pubs were open. Yes, who knew?
The only small thing is, that the pub itself isn’t going to be open and you have to drink in the pub garden (if it has one). If the weather on March 8th is anything like as cold as it is now, we won’t be sitting around for very long. I’m so confused by now I really can’t say whether that’s a good thing or not. Not a sentence I’m proud of but these are different times.
I do know today (Sunday) is Valentine’s Day a certain guarantee of the right to have a drink. Mrs SH is opening the Prosecco even as I finish this sentence…