Over the years I have been writing this blog the topic of self-esteem has figured quite often. The explanation for self-esteem’s frequent appearance is quite simple, it is, in my opinion, an important aspect of retirement. That view hasn’t diminished as I’ve become more retired, in fact it might even have increased. Nor sure but it’s possible.
So ‘inspired’ by the retro blog I posted on Sunday, I thought I might write a current version of this old favourite. I liked the way Gail Lindenfield (the author) had itemised her break-down of the broad topic of self-esteem and I had taken her structure as the basis for my own blog, I decided I would employ a similarly numericised (is that a word? my spell check doesn’t think so) approach to this one.
There is another rationale for this approach, namely that I don’t believe it is useful to think of self-esteem as one concept. You know you either have high self-esteem or low self-esteem. I find that my own self-esteem (what you might also call confidence) varies tremendously depending on the area of my life I’m focusing on.
For example, my lowest self-esteem is probably in the area of my musical endeavours. On a scale of 1 to 10 (which I will use throughout this blog), I’d give music a 5 out of 10. I wouldn’t say I was quite reduced to a quivering wreck but I do become very needy. I need to check that my ‘performance’ is OK or better. There is a level of dependency I don’t think I exhibit in any other of my life areas.
For example, my self-esteem is higher in the vineyard / wine producing side of life because although I worry and very much show up in the amateur side of this activity, I somehow seem able to give myself considerable credit for trying. And if I need help I’m not afraid to ask (and pay for it). So all things considered and with last year’s harvest about to arrive, although not tasted yet I’m feeling good about the vineyard part in my life. Hence the score of 8.
An area of life you might not expect to show up in a blog about self-esteem is health. My opinion is that there is an often over-looked correlation between health and self-esteem. Certainly in my case there is. The effect ranging from a variety of aches and pains, sometimes explainable and sometimes mysterious, to serious stuff like Parkinson’s, take their toll on my self-esteem. It might be nigh on impossible to get to see my ‘own’ GP don’t think I even have one, but hospital appointments roll round with unignorable frequency.
I had one last week which will result in a CT scan, it seems and another coming up in July. With this continuing presence of hospital appointments, it’s impossible to ignore the impact on one’s sense of well-being which I’m calling self-esteem. Oh, and chemical dependency like the medication I take for diabetes etc, that doesn’t help my self-esteem. Hence the score of 6.
The blog is going quite well – back on page one of Google although I don’t understand why. I’m not doing anything I wasn’t doing when I was on page 2. And here’s the thing if some part of your life is successful but you don’t know why and hence can’t attribute to any effort / activity of your own then it probably doesn’t help one’s self esteem. Even so I’ll give the blog writing an 8. Which is better than the podcast which nobody seems to listen to and so gets a 5 (for effort mostly).
Another life area in which I increasingly lack confidence and hence have low self-esteem is driving. For whatever reason or combination of reasons, I enjoy driving less and less and Mrs Summerhouse drives more and more. Not a good feeling. I’ll give it 4.
Finally, there’s the thorny subject of wealth. We’re lucky I had a job where you had no choice but to contribute to your pension. As a civil servant it was simply taken out of your salary for the thirty odd years I worked. So we’re not dependent on our state pensions. A laughably low increase this year given the rise in cost of living. 2 or 3% against inflation of going on 11%. I was never brilliant at maths but I think that stinks. They say we’ll get 10% next April but that’s the government telling us that and we know when it comes to truth-telling this government was standing behind the kitchen door when it was being handed out, so we will see. But overall I’ll give wealth a 6.5.
Self-esteem summary
The more astute among you will notice I haven’t mentioned relationships. I’ll finish on this positive note and state that this area human and canine definitely contribute to the above 7 point average, in fact I’ll give this area a 9. Yes, that’s high but as I say it all feeds into the mix of that broad area we call self-esteem. So I’m rounding those figures off to a 7. I haven’t actually worked it out but that feels about right.