My plan is to have as much fun as my health allows. Is driving my Land Rover Defender fun? Well it must be because that’s what I’ve just done. Admittedly not very far but it’s the first time I’ve driven since all this business started i.e. about ten weeks ago. I reckon that’s the longest period without driving in the whole of my life, well since I passed my test anyway.
To say I was nervous would be something of an understatement but I did it which gave me the motivation to drive the Kia and wait for it, the van. Strangely the latter was easier than the former. More room with the pedals. Back to the Defender which this week I drove all the way to the pub (about 10 miles), there to meet up with some friends and have lunch. So three birds with one stone – driving, having a meal in a pub and meeting friends. All on my list of having fun and what would have been ‘normal’ prior to all this medical drama.
Which is more than I can say about the rest of the week which seemed to consist of going to two different hospitals to have 4 different scans, none of which I had the faintest idea what they were for or where they fitted in to the colon cancer, prostate or blood clot scenarios. And nor, it seemed, did the people who were doing the scans (they don’t tell us anything, I believe were her words), when I asked what was it they were looking for.
So I’m assuming the first three, judging purely by the name of the referrer, would be for my colon cancer operation. But I will have to wait for these results because they don’t tell you at the time. So more waiting to see (presumably) whether the clots have gone and when or even whether the operation can go ahead. It’s the hope that kills you as somebody once said.
Coming up next week is the trip to Newcastle. So I’ll probably wait until after this prostate escapade to report on any further developments. Next week is now this week, it’s now .Tuesday in fact, and Newcastle is on Friday. We were going to go by train and make as much fun of it as was possible under the circumstances. But the trains were on strike. Of all the groups that are on strike at the moment I didn’t think it would be the trains that would cause the maximum inconvenience. Ha, just goes to show you never can tell.
Just as I’ve been amazed that the mental side of things has been more problematic than the actual physical side of it all. Mentally I feel my identity is gradually being stripped away to be replaced by the image I have of myself now as a sick and somewhat incapable person.
For example, I’m barely writing this blog. At least compared to what I used to write. I’ve bought a new mower for the vineyard but not for me to use but rather for my son in law and daughter to keep the grass under control. I do walk the dogs but only for half an hour and on the flat rather than the two hours up and down slopes as it used to be. And there’s the music. I got a visit from our group leader enquiring if and when I might come back to the group. It’s a nice thought that they miss me but any kind of return seems quite a long way away right now.
Quite depressing really. Let’s hope that the Newcastle hospital visit has some better news about returning to my previous identity. Watch this space.
PS. No fancy bits like pictures etc. Just the writing.