When my father died my mother had inscribed on his headstone the words, ‘to have and to hold and in time let go’. It’s from a poem I believe although I do not know which poem I’m sorry to say. It surprised me a bit because I never really thought of my mother as a poetic person, but what do I know? I know I liked the sentiment, as I understood it at the time, and, all these years later, as I write this retirement blog, the words have a relevance I could never had anticipated then.
The phrase is another version of that good old dictum, ‘better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all’. No matter what you think of that sentiment I’m dragging it into this blog as support for my current philosophy of retirement or old age whichever you prefer. I think the former is slightly more optimistic so I’ll go with that.
And the relevance you ask? Well I’ve reached that point in my life where I am unable to do many of the things I once could. Happens to us all I guess, so what? Well my point is rather than mourning the loss of these activities – playing music, growing vines, travelling to far distant parts of the world, indeed travelling anywhere at all, it is better to have done these things and feel pleasure at having done them as opposed to never having done them at all.
So my message is (not advice, I don’t like to give advice), hopefully to the already converted, don’t be sad you can’t do what you used to but be glad you did them at all. That’s all I’m saying. And of course as always with these blogs it is a message to myself as much as or even more than, a message to you my readers whoever you may be and I really, with a few exceptions, have no idea who you are.
Except that’s not quite all. In that that’s the easy bit relatively speaking. The real challenge of this particular retirement blog and one that I have not so far found a satisfactory answer to, is, if they’re gone then what would we choose to replace them with. In other words what would we want our lives to be about now? And that’s more difficult. The short answer might be replace them with ‘easier’ versions of the same. See what you think.
Whatever these ‘activities’ may be, they have to meet certain criteria. First, they cannot be too physically demanding or at least meet our current fitness levels. Taking care of even a small vineyard feels that way for us (Mrs Summerhouse and myself). All that said there should (not advice) be an element of physicality hence walking our dogs for two half hours each day. Not sure where reading less and listening to podcasts fits into the scheme of things.
Second, for many of us they have to fit within a certain budget. First class travel around the world may be appealing but for most of us it’s unaffordable. But then there are cheaper forms of travel and shorter (much shorter) distances. Hence the role of our country cottage otherwise known as my mother’s old terraced house in glorious Heanor, which isn’t in reality so glam.
Third, and these are in no particular order, there needs to be an element of intellectual challenge. I’ve read enough articles on the ways to stave off dementia to know that an intellectual challenge seems to stave off this dreaded condition. For me some simplified form of music-playing seems essential. Note to self.
Fourth, and for me the last piece of non-advice, a healthy retirement / old age needs balance. A balance (hence the image above) between, for example, going out and staying in, days when you wake up and realise you have nothing to do that day and going out and about. In our case trying to take advantage of our local city’s amenities.
And there we have it*, as is increasingly common with these blogs I have very little idea when I set off with the writing what I’m actually going to write about. It’s a balance between having the first couple of sentences in mind but, leaving the rest open. And this is the kind of thing you end up with either 700 words of retirement insight or 700 words of complete drivel. As always, you decide.
*I’m leaving out friendships and ‘cultural events’ at this point because I’m not clear where they fit in or even if I want them to. Maybe I’ll write about this another time, I’ve done my 700 words.