Over the life span of this retirement blog I have written several blogs about the role of friends when one is retired. In a recent blog I said I would write about friendships and here we are. Way back when I wrote one entitled ‘retirement blog and old friends’, I speculated, at that early stage of retirement, it would be more difficult to make friends because, up to that point,, almost all of our friendships, both mine and Mrs Summerhouse’s, had come through work. Hence no work, no new friends.
This turned out to be both true and a mixed blessing. Not good because the older I’ve got the ‘better’ I have become at losing friends. Sometimes they have simply died, they do that I suppose at ‘our age’. Other times through my own carelessness. I have found friends have either pissed me off or they have become pissed off with the new, ie. retired, me.
Just recently we parted company with some life-long friends because I featured them in this very blog without their permission. I did not name them but nonetheless they were upset. I could provide other evidence but I won’t. But the point is it didn’t bother me for the simple reason that, contrary to popular opinion (and many articles on how to have a good retirement), friends have become less important to me. Go figure.
Many of my old friends would probably say well that’s because you’re even more of a miserable old bugger than you used to be. Simple. But while that may well be (definitely) true I think it’s more accurate to say that I don’t feel the need to have friends.
Of course there are exceptions. The ones that comment on this blog, for example, and, just recently, a couple of them British and American (and we need some good news coming out of this country) have written blogs for this one.* To ask them to do so as a favour to me and them to do it, now that’s friendship. And there are friends that we both still take pleasure in meeting up with but, that said, I am not the kind of retiree who meets up with his pals in the pub or yakking over a shared hobby in a café or even each other’s homes. Nope, this I do not need.
And why might this be I hear you ask? Well, for one thing I am very lucky to have a lovely wife with whom I share similar interests and pleasures. We even enjoy meeting up with our children and their partners apart from the one that lives in Australia.
And another reason, strange though this may sound, we have two dogs who take quite a bit of time and return the investment in the simple loving way that only dogs (in my opinion) can. They tend not to sulk or behave in complicated and confusing and annoying ways. There is a downside to this kind of relationship and that is, like some friends, they have a habit of dying. One set of friends has just lost their dog of 14 years and our son in Australia has parted company with his. Both heart-breaking in their own way. But, that said, give me a dog any time, well maybe not any time but you know what I mean.
You don’t and you’ve come to the conclusion that I am indeed a miserable old bugger who treats his friends badly and is only interested in friendships when they offer something that does not need, or is unlikely to be, reciprocated? Well you may have a point but, just to end this blog on a slightly more positive note, when we have friends who need help we will both, Mrs SH and myself, be there for them except when they off and die. Is that a more positive note? Probably not.
*Australian friends please take note. No Pressure.