Over the years I’ve been writing this retirement blog the topic of self-esteem, sometimes called well-being, has figured consistently. Just one example – ‘Self Esteem 6’ from July 2022. As far as I can see from my records this was the last blog on the topic but, as you can tell from the ‘6’ not the first. This particular blog was largely based on my scores out of 10 rating system for the various key areas of my retirement.
At that point I rated my health as a 6 out of 10. Not very comforting and that was before my health really deteriorated. These days I would struggle to make a 4 on account of my diabetes, dizziness / balance and general although recently improved, Peeing problems. Oh joy to even write about.
What that means, specifically in terms of my self-esteem, is my restricted ability to engage in all those activities that used to make up my retirement life – travel, driving, working in the vineyard, DIY (just reread my lockdown blogs), gardening, walking the dogs, even writing this blog, indeed anything that requires me to get up off the sofa. Fortunately we have a few sofas so I’m not completely stuck in one spot.
So realising just how restricted I am now has a very negative effect on my self-esteem. And just in case you were thinking this blog was going to be one long moan about my current retirement experiences let me tell you that I now propose to offer some advice to myself (and perhaps to you the reader), about how to improve this largely negative state of affairs. This is a rarity because I have written fairly recently about how this blog has changed in character from an advice-giving (based on my psychology training) retirement blog to a more general reflections on the retirement experience as I head for (this month) my 77th birthday.
But now we seem to be at that ‘physician heal thyself’ point in life. It’s a pity that part of the questionable health situation is that much of my professional wisdom is lost in the mists of time, as they say, don’t they? But broadly what I do remember as advice to myself and others when I first retired is that a person needed to develop an alternative identity to replace the working identity that gave me much of my self-esteem and sense of well-being.
Sounds simple enough, oh and just one other small thing, this identity has to be a largely positive one. Not only do I need to be able to define this identity but I have to feel at least comfortable with it. So an identity based on a 77 year old couch potato isn’t going to cut it.
So how about something like – a 77 year old writer who walks his dogs daily, supervises the management of a vineyard, travels to his country cottage, is financially OK and gives money every month to various charities, physically and intellectually still active, meets with friends every now and again, has loving wife and nice kids and some threads of a sense of humour. OK, that will do. If you know me and the reality of Mrs Summerhouse’s and my retirement you will, of course, understand that I have, in the words of the song, accentuated the positive.
But hey, none the worse for that and maybe at our age, no bad thing. Maybe that’s what a pair of 77 and nearly 77 year old with a few challenges (as opposed to problems) need to do to keep body and soul together.